No Sheep

Killer Dophins Loose in the Gulf!

// January 9th, 2006 // My Stuff

All my friends thought I was crazy when I told them about the killer dolphins set loose by Hurricane Katrina. However, the Guardian: Observer ran Armed and dangerous – Flipper the firing dolphin let loose by Katrina, a story that adamently confirms that:

Experts who have studied the US navy’s cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying ‘toxic dart’ guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet’s smartest. The US navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing.

This story was reported to them by 72 year old Leo Sheridan who has worked for government and industry. He said he had received intelligence from sources “close to the US.” Sheridan is known for reports about other military related dolphin deaths and crop circles.

Other frightening news on the dolphin front was reported by America’s most respected news source.

Additional detail was provided by a respected British author:

In our effort to leave, we caused a weather distortion, and as such have taken the dolphin race with us to act as our agents in galactic control.”

When asked to elaborate upon the dolphins, they replied:

“The dolphins were conducting a case study of the primitive humans and how they used the tools at hand to advance their agenda. They allowed themselves to be retrofitted with primitive weapons by the humans, let themselves be ‘trained’. They were on the verge of prooving their thesis that primitive government is overrated, and is doomed by corruption though the lack of intelligence in the upper classes of society when we were forced to extract them. While their thesis remains unprooved, they gained valuable experience in terrorizing with head-mounted implements. We plan to upgrade them from dart guns to lasers in the near future.”

When the galactic president, Zaphod Beeblebrox, was asked to comment, he refused to say anything but “I for one welcome our head-mounted laser-wielding attack dolphin overlords.”

hoax, crazy, dolphin, dolphins, killer dolphins, douglas adams, the onion, zaphod beeblebrox, leo sheridan, sheridan, laser, laser wielding, toxic darts, gulf, gulf of mexico, katrina, hurricane katrina, hurricane

Related items

• Sathorn Unique
• Blogging in the Classroom
• Watchmen Trailer Available Early!
• Bude’s Garage Band Jam
• Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat